Okay, so let me just start off this blog post by saying that I never thought I'd EVER be on a dating app... ever. Not because I thought it was lame or for desperate people but just because 1) my mom has warned me over and over again how dangerous it is to meet people online and 2) because I never thought I could ever have a true connection with someone based on an online profile!

But, I'm so glad I at least experienced what the online dating world is like and also - glad to have met a few boys from it!

So I've only downloaded one dating app.... BUMBLE! I originally downloaded this app because of the BFF mode and I was really getting desperate for a roommate haha. So I started off the app swiping through other girls who were looking for friends and a few looking for a roommate! I was already happy with the BFF mode because of how many other NORMAL girls were using the app looking to make friends! SOOOO... I let myself run away with that confidence haha. After a day or two I decided to see what the date mode was like!

As soon as I switched modes I was actually super nervous! I didn't know what to expect! But after "swiping" through a few people I felt that confidence come back! I matched with a few cute boys!

So if you don't know about Bumble, basically if you match with a boy they can't message you! Your connection will last for 24 hours and you can message them in the time, but if time runs out then the connection disappears. Even though I matched with a few cute boys I didn't ever intend on messaging anyone since I was on the date mode more so out of curiosity than anything else. But then bumble has a feature where a boy can extend the connection for another day if you don't message him within the first 24 hours! So as almost 20 hours later I started getting time extend requests!! This (of course) made me super excited!

Even though I don't use the app much anymore, I'm so happy I gave it a chance! I've gone on a few dates with some of the boys I've matched with and I think they're all super great and nice and normal! So all the original fears I've had feel so far away!



A few quick bullet points...

1. Always, always, always make sure you're being safe!
- I always had the boys snapchat me before going out (to make sure they're real!) and some of them even followed me on instagram which really helped still my nerves! ALSO, before any date I sent a picture of the boy, where we were going, and shared my location with my sisters!!! I always made sure someone knew where I was (bc there really are crazies on the internet okay ladies).

2. Find real connections, don't force it!
- All the boys I've met on the app are people I connect with in so many different ways! I think it's so interesting how you can connect with one person one way, and another person in a completely other way! It's exciting and fun! But NEVER meet up with as many people as possible just to say you did! Look for people you can truly connect with!

3. It taught me that there are soooo many people out there.
- I honestly didn't know how many cute boys lived in my area, haha. Also, how many people are looking for real connections JUST like I am! It gives me real hope that I'll find that special someone one day, or someone I already know could be a bigger part of my life than they are right now! Either way it gives me hope that love is out there!!!



Obviously dating apps aren't for everyone, but I hope my experience has shed light on the experience in general! Thanks for reading!

xo, me.

1. take a walk early in the morning to watch the sunrise.

2. take a walk later in the evening to watch the sunset.

3. read a book of poems.

4. take a mini road trip to nowhere in particular.

5. watch a planet earth documentary.

6. plant a garden.

7. lay in the grass and watch the clouds.

8. turn on piano music on a rainy day.

9. walk around a local museum for the day.

10. ride your bike around your favorite park.

11. stay in your pajamas all day.

12. get super dressed up and go get brunch with your best friends.

13. donate food/items to a shelter.

14. donate food/items to an animal shelter.

1. Who do you like more - them, or you?
There really is no right answer to this question. If you love them more than you love yourself - it's an unhealthy relationship/will more than likely be an unhealthy relationship. If you love yourself more than you love them - probably just isn't the right relationship. I think a good relationship involves realizing that the more you love them, the more they love you - and the more you find yourself loveable. Does that make sense? Love is a roundabout thing - you shouldn't feel like you have to sacrifice the love you have for yourself OR the love you have for the other person. It should just be.

2. How do you prioritize your time? Alone AND together?
If you're rushing through your own personal duties to be with the person you love that usually isn't a giant red flag for an unhealthy relationship - it just means you're into them! But if you find that other areas of your life are lacking because you're making this person the center of your life - that is unhealthy.
Same can be said of time spent together. If you're interested in other things while you are together rather than just being together - it's probably headed down an unhealthy path faster than you think.
Time spent alone should be time to grow as an individual, time spent together should be spent growing as a pair.

3. How long have you been together?
You can more than likely gauge pretty quickly and early on in a relationship whether or not it's an unhealthy one. USUALLY, you see all the red flags - ignore them - then end up in said unhealthy relationship for WAY longer than you should. If it's the beginning stages and you're weary of the direction the relationship is going - you're probably not wrong to feel that way: trust your gut. If you're DEEP into a relationship and asking yourself if it's unhealthy/when it started to get unhealthy, you can probably pin point where things started getting iffy probably pretty early on. Be mindful of your heart and your mind while starting a relationship/continuing one as well. You know more than you think.

Okay, so - I think this blog post is LONG over due because my engagement ended WELL over a year ago. But honestly, the reason I didn't post this sooner is because I was yo-yoing back and forth between wanting to honor BOTH our privacy and just believing there wasn't much to say? You know?

The prompting for this post is honestly because I know *someone* who is actually going through an annulment.

I thank Heavenly Father EACH AND EVERYDAY that I never went through with the marriage - because 100% in my heart I know it would have ended in a divorce. We (me and my ex) were two completely different people who rushed so quickly into a very serious thing.

We met in April of 2016, got engaged June 2016, then broke it off for good May 2017. It was a VERY short lived relationship, and even shorter lived engagement.

I THINK a lot of people assumed that I didn't address the break up because I was embarrassed - if you're one of those people I don't blame you for thinking that ;) but I'm here to tell ya now that, that was not the case... After everything happened last May I allowed myself to be sad...

the initial, deep in my heart, sadness lasted about a week (ask my mom/entire family - we were all surprised about it LOL)... then after that wore off I honestly spent the following month(s) getting back into my OWN routine. The HARDEST part of that break up wasn't the actual heartbreak - it was realizing I spent SO MUCH TIME with one other person that I didn't know what to do with myself afterward. It was getting used to not having him around!

After (+ even during) I got back into my own routine I started seeing my friends more often, talking to boys again!, and re-inventing who I was and who I wanted to be - and then so much time had passed I had no feelings toward the broken engagement, it was just what it was and I didn't feel heartache or pain or fond-ness (???) toward the subject and I felt like if I was to make it blog post it would be so boring and bland and no one would read it, haha.

BUT, like I said - after seeing this *person* go through an annulment it has allowed me to look into how I want to proceed in my future relationship(s) and even let me re-visit what exactly went wrong in my last one!

So, here it is...


1. We were so different!
I will say this until I am BLUE in the face - differences in a relationship CAN BE GOOD THINGS! But in this particular relationship... we were different about our FUNDAMENTAL beliefs and so we were butting heads in ways that truly mattered and worked against one another. Our differences didn't make each other stronger or "complete" one another. If you're going to be different - be different in ways that supplement one another and could help each other GROW in better, stronger ways. We argued about religion, political beliefs, lifestyle ideals and other HUGE topics that even strong/mature marriages and relationships (I think) have a hard time dealing with alone - we didn't stand a chance considering we STILL hardly knew each other!

2. My family didn't like him.
I think this one is self explanatory - I couldn't see how wrong, wrong, wrong we were for each other BUT my family could. So I spent a lot of time defending him and taking his side, while my family was trying to slap some sense into me. This lead to me having to CONSOLE my other half and try to convince (the both of us) that my family's opinion didn't mater AND me arguing with my family on the other end. It was all lose, lose, lose. My biggest life tip is - listen to your mom. 

3. We rushed it.
THIS SHOULD HAVE BEEN POINT NUMBER ONE BECAUSE HONESTLY THIS WAS PROBABLY THIS BIGGEST ISSUE. I think I can stem all our relationship issues back to this one specific point - we rushed it. We hardly knew each other. We got serious so fast. etc. etc. etc. Like I mentioned above, a lot of the things we struggled with were more than likely things ALL relationships struggle with BUT we were still trying to know and understand each other WHILST going through these huge issues. It's hard to expect a relationship to last during the hardships and struggles when there is ZERO FOUNDATION. Even the most seasoned relationships have a hard time sticking through when the going gets tough.

4. It wasn't the right relationship.
I can type all day long all the reasons why this relationship (and past relationships) failed, but honestly none of it would matter because ultimately the reason this relationship didn't last is because it wasn't right. The right relationship will be the exception to all the rules - really, truly.

Hello again everyone!!!!! So today's blogpost - keeping with the theme of VAlentine's day and lots of love - is about how I choose to surround myself with love every single day! Obviously there is love all around us, but sometimes it's hard to feel it, or to acknowledge it. And sometimes when we feel like we aren't really loving ourselves, it's especially important to be surrounding by it - purposefully. So these are the ways I purposefully surround myself with love so that I am constantly made aware of just how much of it I have in my life. I hope you all enjoy!



Social Media:
Social media rules our lives it seems like. It is everywhere and we are constantly turning to it for updates or to get updated throughout each and every day. SO, I am SUPER careful about who I "follow" or keep up with and what I post to the people who follow and keep up with me. I try to be super positive on all my platforms - not because I want people to think my life is perfect, but because I choose to make my platforms positive and loving spaces. I don't want to look back on my posts and think about what a terrible time I was having or read through my own complaining or negativity. I want to look back and think about the highlights of my life. Just the same, I don't like following negative people or people who don't align with my life - morally, mentally, spiritually, etc. I can handle differences, but I cannot handle people who put them down. SO, I choose to follow uplifting people who nothing but positive things to say and positive attitudes so that it can in turn reflect back to me.


Family:
This is hard people family really knows how to drive you crazy. But lately I've been trying SUPER hard to at least be aware of when I'm being especially impatient or especially harsh and I try to make mental notes and bounce back from it. I'm not perfect but each time I do find myself falling short, I think about how much I SHOULD be thankful for and I feel myself chipping away at the hardness in my hart and softening up. Slowly, but surely.


Work:
WORK IS HARD. PEOPLE CAN BE MEAN. But, I try to keep in mind that we all are going through our own hardships. SO, if I get an especially mean person I just try my very hardest to make the next person I speak to especially happy so I can feel like I am WORTH something. Some people will try to bring you down, especially when they don't know you. But there are so many other people appreciative of your gifts and for what you do that you have to keep chugging along! So I tell myself this very same exact thing when I feel less than.


Church:
Church is seriously the best place to go when your heart and soul are in need of a little TLC. This is the most obvious and sweetest and best place to go that is constantly full of love, no matter what. And I NEED to work on surrounding myself with this love a lot more often.



Thanks so much for reading you guys! xo, me.

LOVE IS IN THE AIR! So naturally it's time for some relationship themed posts ;) Here are what I think are the 5 most important things in/about a relationship! Hope you all enjoy!


1. Quality time.
Naturally, I have to start this post off with my love language. I've taken this love language quiz/test/whatever probably a million times by now (or at least close to it) and each time I am never surprised that I get quality time as my number 1 by a landslide. I am the worst with words of affirmation, the most awkward when it comes to gifts, pretty rock solid with acts of service, and physical touch comes up at number two (9/10 times). But quality time is my jam. I feel the most loved and the most treasured when I feel like someone really wants to spend their time with me, and I show my love the best through wanting to spend quality time with them.

2. Sweet lil surprises.
I am the biggest sucker for sweet little gestures/surprises. When someone leaves a cute note for me to find (more soon to come, see #3 (; ) or going out of there way to show me I'm loved and thought of in even the smallest of ways. I think that a small little "act of service" goes a VERY long way to let someone know they are loved.

3. LOVE NOTES.
I think I've talked about this in nearly every single relationship blog I've ever posted, lol. I am THE QUEEN of love notes/cute cards. Seriously, I am the biggest sucker for a sweet card with a sweet little saying. I think I get way more enjoyment buying the cards and writing them and giving it to the other person than I do actually receiving them (BUT DON'T GET ME WRONG I LOVE LOVE LOVE RECEIVING THEM)... but that's just how much they mean to me! I'm bad at words in person but I like expressing myself through words on paper (or on screen, hence my blog *wink wink*).

4. Consistency and consideration.
This is one of the most IMPORTANT things in a relationship. Being consistent with each other and making sure that love does not become old or unexciting - and being considerate of each others feelings. I think my biggest shortcoming in my previous relationships is that I always think of my feelings first and foremost, with no true regard to the other person's feelings until it's all said and done. I am so deeply ruled and powered by my own emotions that when I'm hurting, I do not take a second to think about the ways the other person may be hurting too. I am so dramatic when it comes to my heart that once my feelings are hurt I AUTOMATICALLY assume it was done purposefully (which it hardly ever is). So just being considerate with each other and knowing that both parts of a relationship go through different phases and feelings and being consistent with showing care and love are going to take a relationship to higher levels.

5. Mutual respect.
This. This. This. This. Love is nothing without mutual respect. You can have bad and hard days/weeks/months/phases in general (these are healthy given life has its curve balls) but the only way to get through these is to respect each other, above everything else. In my most recent relationship I found that when we had hard/tough days/moments that I did not respect his feelings. Ever. I just wanted to drag out the hard times and get it all out of my system then move on. And he did the same! SO in an argument, outside of an argument, through all of life in general the biggest sign that you love and care for someone is to show respect even during the times you don't like them that much. You can love someone with your whole heart and still find yourself not liking them from time to time believe it or not, lol. But it's all about showing respect and consideration even when it feels the hardest. This is what keeps relationships together even when you're down in the dumps.


And there they are! What are some of the most important/fundamental things about relationships for you guys!?
Thanks so much for reading, xoxoxo.

Okay Bachelor fans, I'm sure many of you will recognize this phrase haha. But on a serious note, I think it's a super interesting topic and statement. Like, what IS emotional intelligence? How is it applicable to our day to day lives? And why is it so important? (Which it is, in my opinion).

I think emotional intelligence is one of those terms/things you never realize you needed to hear/have until it was actually placed right in front of your face.
I think I've been searching for the correct term that describes the awareness of ones feelings and how they act upon those feelings and how they are able to control those feelings and "emotional intelligence" hits the nail right on the head.

Personally, I am the worst at emotional intelligence. I am really good at deciphering what I'm feeling, and what the people around me are feeling, but I don't usually know what to do about it, or how to go about it the right away. For example, I can KNOW I'm sad or stressed out and I don't have a single clue how to go about it, nor can I (generally) prevent myself from acting out on those negative feelings. When I'm angry I tend to let myself stay angry, and when I'm sad I let myself overthink all the reasons I'm sad and I tend to dwell. And a huge part of being emotionally intelligent is being able to understand one's emotions and go about them in a healthy and thought out way.

So I've thought up of three super simple ways I plan on working on becoming more "emotionally intelligent" in all areas of my life:

1. Journal. Okay, maybe not necessarily write out all my feelings in a notebook (because #whohasthetime) but brain dump occasionally and really get my feelings down on paper (or screen) so that my emotions seem more tangible. I think tricking myself into making my feelings seem like actual tangible things, I can get a better gauge as to how I can take better control of this "thing" and understand myself more.

2. Count to ten. Super lame, super mom-style, but I think this will really help me especially when I feel myself getting worked up and angry. I am the worst with anger because I let it completely overtake everything else and I end up saying/doing things I don't mean and I regret it all immediately after I've calmed down. So working on calming down as I feel myself getting angry rather than after the damage has been done will *hopefully* work some magic for me.

3. Be rubber. My main problem I have when I'm upset/sad/angry is that I think about it and stress about it and worry about it and let it make me upset/sad/angry for a long time afterwards. So working on not letting little things get to me, or have such a big impact on my emotions would be the best possible thing I could do. I am SO sensitive, I let small things hurt me. But I need to work on being tougher when it comes to negative things/situations/people who I have no control over.


I hope this post helped SOME of you out there, haha. I know that even just writing this blog makes me feel like I'm another step closer to becoming more "emotionally intelligent" and that just seeing it written out and mapped out makes the whole process feel a little easier!
Thank you for reading!
xo, me.